NOT LONG NOW

No one has ever walked into a hospital to have an operation more willingly than I did that day. I had waited and suffered for so long that any hospital related fears had faded into oblivion.

The lady who had been manning reception on my first visit was nowhere to be seen. Maybe St. George was on duty that day and she thought it safer to keep out of the way. Her replacement was much younger and quite human. I think she liked me because she directed me to one of the comfortable looking armchairs this time.

The room was quite crowded and the atmosphere was electric. Not quite as boisterous as a reference library but it was nearly half way there. I think that the other people thought I was a little strange because I was so cheerful. I was humming what I thought was a happy tune. They probably thought that, unlike them, I was there to visit someone and did not share their worries. One man smiled and opened his mouth to speak to me but his wife noticed and gave him a nudge so he shut up. None of this bothered me because I was so incredibly happy that my suffering was within hours of disappearing forever.

I was eventually shown into the vestry for a check up. My credit card passed with flying colours and they formally agreed to admit me.

I spent the rest of the day wandering aimlessly around in my clothes. That may not seem strange to you but everyone else was wearing pyjamas. Why, I have no idea. Perhaps they were entering into the spirit of things. One man who was being discharged that day hung onto them until the last minute.

Five eyes, [as my consultant had affectionately become known] came to see me later in the day. He looked really weird. He had only brought four eyes with him. He must have left the big one at home. For the entire thirty seconds he was with me he was his usual jolly self.

The hospital food was excellent. They had a very comprehensive menu and had very cleverly found a way to make everything look different but taste the same. It taxed my constitution to its outer limits and made doubly sure that my antibodies were kept busy and in good working order.

There was an emergency bell by my bedside, which I pressed accidentally. When a nurse appeared an hour or so later she didn’t seem very pleased that I had called unnecessarily. I felt reassured however by the knowledge that in the event of an emergency they offered a same day service.

Eureka. Only one more miserable night to go.

My operation was around 10am and I was back in my room around mid-day. When I opened my eyes I was still too heavily sedated to scream. The second they opened my whole being became consumed by the noise in my ears. I drowsily checked that I was not in any pain and could not feel any. Maybe it was to soon to tell but in any case I did not really care. The noise had not gone. Something had gone wrong. Maybe I had not had the operation after all. Perhaps they had sedated me ready for it but had to cancel it for some reason.

It was a very strange situation. I was barely awake and yet the noise in my ears was as wide-awake as ever. It was not even mildly sedated. Could nothing affect it? It was like some sort of super power with a mind of its own. It didn't need food or drink. It was totally self-sufficient. It didn't even have to hide or disguise itself. It could fearlessly and blatantly be there with total confidence that no matter what we mortals did to destroy it, it could not be harmed. In spite of years of research into its destruction, humans were still light years from even putting a dent in its Armour.

As I became more awake I was conscious of not being able to breathe through mynose. As soon as I became aware of it the degree of difficulty and discomfort increased. I sat up in bed feeling very alone and frightened. I knew then that I had had the operation and that it had not worked. There was no one to talk to, no one who cared anyway. I was just an object lying on a strange bed in a strange place all alone in a world filled with fear. I had nothing left in me to fight with.

The ward sister popped in to see me while I was sitting up in bed pondering what I could do next. She asked me how I felt. Trying my best to be cheerful I told her that I had not felt this good since I once fell down the stairs. She was reading the chart at the foot of my bed and looked at me over the top of her glasses and said 'Oh good' and then she stuck a thermometer in my mouth. With surgical dressings stuck up my nose I had to open my mouth to enable me to breath so the thermometer dropped out.

A 'Come on now' as she stuck it back in with a sort of ‘you naughty boy’ attitude failed to teach me how to breathe with my nose blocked and my mouth closed so I discreetly held it close to my mouth in a clenched fist. She settled for whatever level the mercury had reached saying that it was a bit high. Better that than dying from lack of breath I thought.

I mentioned that I still had the noise in my ears and was told that my consultant would be round later as if that made everything all right. I asked if he would be bringing a silencer with him and her raised eyebrows answered for her.

Having been told to stay in bed, and not wishing to get into trouble, I obeyed and then five minutes later I got up, shaved, had a shower and got dressed.

I telephoned Anita and could sense the disappointment in her voice when I told her the news. I think I managed to reassure her when I said that at this stage it was perfectly normal and that there was nothing to worry about. If only that was true.

It was late afternoon when the door opened. The advance party of nurses walked in, stood to attention and formed a guard of honor as my consultant followed and made his grand entrance. Without a word being spoken, the clipboard at the foot of my bed was slapped into his outstretched hand like a surgical instrument while he peered at me over his half glasses. 'How are you feeling' he asked as his eyes switched back to the clipboard.

'Well,' I said but he interrupted with 'Good. Good, everything is quite normal. The operation went well. Temperature a bit high but that's not unexpected. Before you leave we’ll make an appointment for you to see me in a week to ten days'. He then turned to walk out.

'Err before you go' I almost shouted. He really tried very hard not to look impatient but obviously acting had not been included in his school curriculum.

'Yes' he queried as he walked back to my bed 'Is something the matter?'

'Well,' I sighed 'It is only a minor point but I do feel it's worth mentioning. I have still got the noise in my ears'.

He looked hurt. 'You only had the operation a few hours ago. It may take a few days. You must be patient. I'll see you shortly'.

With that he left to recover from the wound I had obviously inflicted. I felt most ungrateful and decided that I would be extra nice on my next visit.

I sat in a chair and wallowed in the feeling of relief. I felt great. I wanted to share my good news with someone so I telephoned Anita.

'I know. You told me this morning' she said when I blurted out the good news. In my excitement I had forgotten that I had relayed my consultant's opinion a few hours before he had given it to me. I explained that I may have been a bit dozy earlier and was a bit put out when she said that I had sounded quite normal to her.

I had really been looking forward to my few days recovery period. I could have spent many happy hours just enjoying silence. It had been so long since I had last experienced it. I was longing to be able to watch television, read and enjoy peoples company and do the normal things that everyone takes for granted. Such simple things would be worth more than anything else in the world. I could do more than imagine the pleasures that I still had to come. The present was there; it was all wrapped up; I just had to a wait a little longer before I could open it. The drive home, which a few days earlier I had been looking forward to, was in marked contrast to my journey there. I had to drive around for a while, as I needed time to lift myself out of my fit of depression. I reminded myself that all was not lost. I was being stupid and impatient. After a struggle sheer logic won. There was no way in this day and age that a doctor would leave me like this and just abandon me. They may be slow, they could even make mistakes but they have the resources to get there in the end. I just had to stay cool and be patient.